


Satisfied

by mariuspunmercy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Hamilton in a way, Song fic, based off of satisfied, language is not aye okay btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 19:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17209655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariuspunmercy/pseuds/mariuspunmercy
Summary: Pidge will never be satisfied.





	Satisfied

_ I remember that night. I might just regret that night for the rest of my days. _

Pidge watched as her Voltron charm worked on every shopkeeper except the one that Allura needed the most. The one to pay for her date outfit. She tried to convince herself that she had no time to play it, anyways.

_ I remember those soldier boys. Tripping over themselves to win our praise. _

Going back to the Garrison was crazy as she had revealed herself a girl. James Griffin flirted with her like mad, but the one who had managed to snag her attention was him. It had always been him.

_ I remember that dream like, candlelight like a dream that you can't quite place _

When Beezer found her as she walked around the Garrison, it was under the dimly lit tree that Allura was using. Pidge requsted that Beezer go take a picture of them, so at least they can remember their happy night.

_ I'll never forget the first time I saw your face _

Pidge thinks back to the time when she started at the Garrison pretending to be a boy. When he tried so hard to be her friend, and now she's stuck as only his friend. She's stuck as his best friend and now she'll never be anything more because she waited too long to take action.

_ I have never been the same _

She remembers going back to her room that one night. After it had happened. She knew their friendship wasn't going to be the same after but if she could've known that she was going to lose someone so important because she never made a move besides that one night then damn, she's going back in time.

_ Intelligent eyes in a hunger pang frame _

Allura is so damn smart. Allura has got to be one of the smartest girls that she knows. He definitely had a thing for smart girls who have a pretty face. Maybe that's why he didn't choose Pidge. Maybe that's why he stopped waiting.

_ And when you said “Hi!” I forgot my dang name _

Being called Pidge had gotten her so used to the nickname that hearing Katie sounded so foreign when Shiro called her that. He was so shocked at her being a girl, but continued to call her Pidge that at times she'd forget that her actual name is Katie. He's only called her that once…

_ Set my heart aflame, every part aflame _

That one time in the red lion when he had pushed her against the wall, and they were kissing with such intensity as he called her Katie and she moaned out his name as he was sucking on her neck. Everything inside of her was aflame in that moment.

_ This is not a game _

It was game night. They were chilling in her room and she had taken his tablet and started running away. She ended up in his lion's hanger and one thing led to another.

_ So this is what it feels like to match wits with someone at your level _

He isn't even dumb. Pidge truly believes that his unintelligence is an act to woo more girls into liking him. Why? He doesn't have to do that. She's more than willing to love him how he is already. Why did he have to go for Allura? God, why did Pidge help him with Allura?

_ What the hell is the catch? _

She had gotten the game. Pidge was able to get that game that she wanted to play with him with little effort. But the catch to that game was that she was going to give it up in the end in favor of his happiness with a girl that wasn't her.

_ It’s the feeling of freedom, of seein’ the light _

The light that shone from Beezer's flash told her that they were in fact enjoying that date. The date that probably wouldn't have happened had it not been for Pidge trying to make him and Allura happy. This isn't for her. It's for them.

_ It’s Ben Franklin with a key and a kite! You see it, right? _

Those are the exact words that she had used to explain to Matt what she felt. Using phrases that he knew would make it easier for him to at least attempt to help her. She desperately needed someone there for her. All Matt said was to find herself a rebound.

_ The conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes _

The conversation where she questioned what he was doing as she ran her hands through his hair as his teeth grazed his jawline. The other one they had recently was him asking her about why she gave up the game. Which explains why she's currently hiding in her room.

_ Everything we said it total agreement _

Her and him agree on a lot. The fact that Lotor was somebody that they couldn't trust? How he waited for her confirmation before going through the black hole when he had started piloting the blue lion. How says it had been for him to follow her and spend hours in a fountain trying to get money to buy a stupid video game.

_ It's a dream and it's a bit of a dance _

When the Bi-Boh-Bi's threw a party and he had asked Pidge to dance. She knew that he wasn't serious. He had only asked her because Allura said no. She was only the second resort.  _ He's  _ the second resort. Nothing but a rebound.

_ A bit of a posture, it’s a bit of a stance _

The way he stood with alongside Allura as she needed him. It pained Pidge that Allura was so understanding about how she felt when the Olkari were destroyed. Allura didn't need him to be a painkiller. But that's what he was. He stood by Allura’s side through everything.

_ He’s a bit of a flirt, but I’m ‘a give it a chance _

God, when isn't he flirting? He's always flirting with random alien girls or Allura. He never used his pick up lines on Pidge. He once told her that she was too good for them and deserved more. Where is he now with that more?

_ I asked about his family, did you see his answer? _

That night when Pidge had seen him take Allura to meet his goddamn family. Funny enough, Veronica had texted her after to see how she was doing. His family knows that she's the one who made that date possible.

_ His hands started fidgeting, he looked askance _

He has a nervous hand of fidgeting whenever he got nervous. Pidge remembers that one time when they were lost in space and she had held his hand to make him feel better. Everyone else had let go except for them. They held onto each other.

_ He's penniless, he's flying by the seat of his pants _

The amount of times that the two of them had gone into a situation where they had no experience. Him going into that date was one of them. Pidge sacrificing her own happiness for his and that stupid date is something that she had never done before.

_ Handsome, boy does he know it _

Oh, he knows damn well that he's good looking. Why else would he always he trying to flirt and attempting to pull girls? He knows, but he doesn't know the effect that he had on Pidge with just a soft look. The same look that he would give Allura when she was alive. 

_ Peach fuzz and he can't even grow it _

 

It was funny. He had been so upset that Keith had been able to grow a little stubble before he did. Pidge thought that he was fine without it, but he had already been seeking Allura's opinion about how he looked without a beard.

_ I wanna take him far away from this place _

Why couldn't he have been the one with her that day at the mall? He would've been completely fine not getting new clothes and worn something he already had if it meant getting a new video game. But alas, she had accompanied Allura, and look how damn well that turned out.

_ But I turn and see my sister's face and she is _

A disappointed look flashed on Allura's face when she realized that she wouldn't have anything to wear for her date. And if the princess doesn't go, then he isn't happy. Pidge has to give up what she was going to do with him for his own happiness. It was worth it to see how excited he was in that picture.

_ Helpless _

Allura didn't even have feelings for him. She only went because Romelle told her that it would be good to get out. He was only a rebound from Lotor, for god sake. But he looked so in love that maybe it didn't matter. Maybe Allura would've learned to love him.

_ And I know she is helpless _

Pidge had never felt so weak than in that moment when Allura told her that she was going on a date with him. Why did her chest tighten and her breath run out? Why did Beezer make that buzzing behind her and went to go find her flowers to cheer her up? Why did it feel so horrible? Why? Why? Why-

_ And her eyes are just helpless _

When Hunk saw her after, he brought Back To The Future with him. He asked her if she was okay, and Pidge replied with yes. It takes one little glance at the sadness in her eyes that would tell you everything that you need to know.

_ And I realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time _

It was in one moment when Beezer showed her the picture that the sacrifice was worth it. Even if she didn't end up with him, that's okay. He was happy and had a good thing going, and Allura could've really fallen for him. It's easy to fall for him. All he had to do was give one soft look in his eyes and anyone would swoon.

_ Number one: I'm a girl in a world which my only job is to marry rich _

Is what Allura had told Pidge. The princess explained that as much as she loved Lotor, it would've been the best option. She needed to marry someone who could win the approval of her father. A space prince seemed like a good candidate until he started using her people as batteries.

_ My father has no sons so I'm the one who has to social climb for one _

Allura had continued to tell her about how Alfor had been more than ecstatic with a girl, but it didn't stop him from wanting a boy. Allura wanted to marry Lotor, but instead ended up with the best boy that anyone could want.

_ So I’m the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip in New York City is insidious _

That's what he had ranted to her one day during their game nights. How he's the oldest one in his family without a girlfriend. How he's witty and he always hears the Garrison girls whispering his name at every corner. How he's tired of not being good enough. How did he not know that she was right there for him?

_ And Alexander is penniless _

He's not exactly poor. Pidge herself wasn't rich either. But when he's so willing to marry a princess, it doesn't matter. He would do anything to follow Allura anywhere. He doesn't need someone to follow. He needs someone to stay by his side.

_ Ha! That doesn't mean I want him any less _

Nothing could ever make Pidge not want him. Even if he's somehow (?) Altean now and a farmer (??) she never stopped loving him. He could still move on, and that shy smile he gave her the other day really did make her heart melt. She could've had him sooner. Why couldn't she have him sooner?

_ Number two: he's after me because I'm a Schuyler sister _

Everyone knew that his intentions about dating Allura had nothing to do with her status. He had loved her from the moment she fell out of that healing pod. It had taken a while for Allura to reciprocate those feelings, if she ever did.

_ That elevates his status I'd have to be naive to set that aside _

Pidge always knew deep down that she never really had a chance with him. She's just a girl from Italy, not a space princess like Allura. How was she ever supposed to get his attention against a beautiful goddess like that?

_ Maybe that is why I introduced him to Eliza, now that's his bride _

They wouldn't have gotten together had it not been for Pidge. Allura would've not gotten the outfit, not gone on the date, and he would've moved on sooner. Pidge is the one who gave him that temporary happiness with Allura. She's the one who did that. It's her. She brought all of this upon herself-

_ Nice going Angelica, he was right. You will never be satisfied _

He always knew that Pidge is a stickler. How stubborn she can be at all times of the day. Maybe that's why they couldn't be together. She was too much of a friend to him. There wasn't enough romance, and she takes full blame for that, despite their one heated kiss.

_ Number three, I know my sister like I know my own mind _

She couldn't do that to him. She knows how much he loves Allura. But she also knows how much he loved Pidge in that moment in the red lion. She couldn't confess her feelings when she knew he was still going to love Allura.

_ You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind _

He's one of the best people that Pidge knows. He has charm and wit and looks but he's also incredibly nice to everyone. Except his blow up at Ezor and Zethrid as they threatened her the day after the red lion kiss. He can get angry, but everything negative melted away from him as he went on that date with Allura.

_ If I tell her that I love him then she'd silently resign _

If Pidge had been smart and confessed her feelings to him before he asked out Allura, then she would be the one who went out with her that day. It should've been her but she stepped to the side so he can have his true happiness with Allura, like he had wanted. Like he's always wanted.

_ He'd be mine _

He should be hers. He should be hers. Pidge should have him. She should've been the one meeting his family that day and hearing his words but she waited too damn long. She had him but he went for Allura after she waited.

_ She would say I'm Fine _

He does. After Allura died, he always said that he was fine. Everyone knew that he wasn't. She was there for him. He says that he's fine but he needed support. She stood with him, and didn't follow because that's not what he needed. What he wants isn't what he needs.

_ She'd be lying _

He never lies. He never fucking lies and when he does it's to her. He told her that night in the red lion that he would stand behind her and follow her. He ended up following Allura instead, and she's the one who got the date.

_ But when I fantasize at night it's Alexander's eyes _

Those soft, soft eyes that he would give her that made her heart melt. The same eyes that cried when Allura died and watched Pidge as she arrived for the Paladin yearly reunion. His eyes that held such love for Allura on the date that she made possible.

_ As I romanticize what could've been if I hadn't sized him up so quickly _

If she hadn't assumed that he would never love her then she would be his. He could've been hers. Why did she do that? She helped him out with his date either way. She's why he's so happy. He could've been happy with her.

_ At least my dear Eliza's his wife _

At least he had gotten with Allura and not other girls like Jenny Shaybon. Because of his loving nature, many see this as an opportunity to take advantage of him. At least Allura chose him to be a rebound. At least he was with somebody that he loved.

_ At least I keep his eyes in my life _

She didn't have any other thoughts than his being happy or her sadness when Allura announced her date. Pidge was always going to have her better memories of him. It's those little moments that she's going to have to keep; the soft look in his eyes.

_ May you always be satisfied _

She knows that he's happy with his life. He's happy thinking about how he had Allura at one point and Pidge at another. As long as he focused on the former, then he should always be happy. No reason to dwell on her anyways.

_ I will never be satisfied _

Even with the knowledge of having gotten him that date, knowing that she's the reason he came back with a stupid smile, it still doesn't make her happy. Which is stupid and selfish because as long as he's happy she should be too, right?

They always act like that night in the red lion didn't happen. Like best friends always casually make out. They still have their video game nights like normal. He's satisfied with that ending, but she's not.

He's satisfied that he got to go on that date and truly fall in love a thousand times more, but she isn't. Especially when she's the one who made the damn thing happen. It was for his happiness, she has to remind herself.

There are times when she catches herself wishing that she hadn't given up the video game that they were going to play together and given it for Allura. But at that point he had given up on there being a ‘them' so it wouldn't have worked out anyways.

It's probably better this way anyways. It would've been too much for him to handle and she wasn't about to put all of that on him. By all of that, she means her feelings. He didn't need that at the time of the red lion incident.

He was in too deep with Allura, and even though he felt something for both girls at the time, she knew she had only screwed up his feelings. A break would've happened eventually. His attention was elsewhere, anyways.

Lance’s head was already turned before she could even get him to glance her way.

And Pidge will never be satisfied. 

**Author's Note:**

> Backstory ig - during game night pidge and lance ended up in the red lion and they made out and lance waited for pidge to make a move and after she didn't because she was scared he settled for allura and this is pidge regretting 1) waiting and 2) helping 
> 
> I'm a hugeeeeee hamilton fan (my blog on tumblr is primarily musical theatre) so I knew I had to write this sooner or later but I got two other WIPs so here I am somehow 
> 
> Hope you liked this! 
> 
> Follow my Tumblr - soleaa


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